We obviously have a little too much fun with our new camera (I just can’t help it, he’s so damn cute!)… My poor poor child!
Hope you all have a wonderful 2013!
I am now back at work. I was planning on writing a post about how much I miss Colton and how much I want to be a stay at home mom and blah blah blah.
But the verdict about being back to work?
I LOVE IT.
I struggle with feeling guilty for not being sadder. I thought many tears would be shed and I already planned on crying during my pumping sessions at work so I wouldn’t be crying at my desk. However that hasn’t been the case at all. I’m super happy to be back at work. I’m very lucky to have a job where I could take 14 weeks off to spend with my newborn son and return without missing a beat. It’s like riding a bike. I’ve worked there for 7 years now (that makes me feel so OLD!), so returning was no big deal at all. The anticipation of going back to work was way worse than actually doing it.
Does that make me a horrible mom? I did love staying at home every day with Colton, and given the opportunity I probably would stay home full time, but knowing that this is something I have to do for my family’s future makes me happy to be working.
And let’s face it, getting up, showering, putting on make-up and real clothes, and having real adult conversations with people that can actually talk back (in full sentences) isn’t so bad either. I did miss human interaction a lot. My 3 month old and 2 puppies made for some pretty one sided conversations (even though Colton will talk your ear off in baby talk).
And when I come home from work I am so happy to see him. After-work cuddles are my absolute favorite because I’m not rushing around (like I am in the mornings) and can focus on spending hours with him with no curfew. I’ve been letting him take naps in my arms in the evenings just because I don’t want to put him down.
Let’s be honest, he doesn’t know the difference between his daycare provider and his parents anyway. He’s too little. Does he know David and me? Of course. However I just don’t think he really cares who is taking care of him, as long as someone will rock him in their arms when he’s tired and stick a boob/bottle/food source in his mouth when he’s hungry.
Pumping at work has been a different story. But I’m slowly learning the routine and it gets easier every time. So here’s a big shout out to new moms that are nursing and pumping while at work: YOU ROCK. This shit is hard. Way more annoying than learning how to breastfeed in the beginning. Yes that was difficult, but this is just annoying.
If someone were to ask me why I breastfeed, I would say it’s #1 because it’s good for Colton, #2 it’s a good bonding experience, and #3 because I’m lazy. I don’t have to make bottles, warm them up, wash them, etc, every time my son is hungry. I whip out the milk truck, he nurses, I button my shirt back up and we’re done. Easy peasy.
Pumping makes it so it’s not as easy to be lazy. You have to prepare ahead of time. I could never have a crazy night after work where I *gasp!* don’t wash my pump parts. I can never go to work without being attached to that stupid black bag that is *supposed* to camouflage my breast pump. And I can’t come home from work without remembering to put the milk I pumped in the fridge every night. Then I have to put said milk into his measured bottles for daycare the next day and clean those bottles every night. It’s a lot of work! Not to mention the worry that goes into wondering every day if I’m going to produce enough for the next day, because babies can drink a lot more from a bottle than they can from the breast. It’s also a struggle making sure that he doesn’t get too full on his bottles during the day that he doesn’t nurse as much at night. That’s another fear, my milk supply dropping. A baby’s suck is so much more powerful than a pump, and therefore it’s really easy to lose your supply when you pump more than the baby nurses. Everything is a worry. Whereas when we were just nursing, I never thought about it. I never worried that if C was hungry 2 hours after he ate last that we would run out of milk for the day.
Bottom line is that pumping is annoying. But I’m learning to take it in stride. I think about him solely during my pumping sessions (apparently that helps you produce more). I look at his pictures. I take a breather. When I’m at work I’m constantly engaged, going to meetings, putting together briefings, getting things done. An hour has passed before where I don’t think about Colton. This is good; it takes my mind off the fact that I am not with him. I get to use my brain to do something other than remember if he needs to eat, take a nap, or get a new diaper. And this is me being brutally honest: Being at work makes me feel useful and smart, instead of a moo cow.
I’ve settled into a routine. I get up, get ready, wake up the baby, nurse him and get him ready, walk him to daycare at our neighbor’s house (I know, we are ridiculously blessed), leave for work, work for 10 hours, come home, get lots of cuddles, clean bottles and pump parts, assemble bottles, feed the baby ten times, give him a bath, go to sleep, and do it all over again.
What a glamorous life I lead.
That’s ok. I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is what I’ve always wanted. This simple life, with a loving husband and a beautiful baby, my dream house, a great job, and two stinky little dogs. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about how I got this lucky. I am so happy. A little sleep deprived, a little overwhelmed, but so so happy.
And because no post is complete without a picture of the cutest baby in the world (ahem), here ya go.
Thanks for listening!
I’ve loved the past 100 days.
100 days I’ll never get back.
100 days of a squishy newborn and nursing 1000 times (literally, I counted).
100 days of no schedule, lounging around all day and barely brushing my teeth.
100 days I’ve spent cuddling my sweet little boy in my arms.
Thinking only about his well being.
Knowing his every move whether it be a cry, fuss, or diaper change.
The past 100 days have been the absolute best days of my life. I will cherish them forever.
Tomorrow I go back to work.
I’m not going to lie; I’m dreading it. I want to be home with my boy.
The next chapter in my life has begun. I am now a working mom. I can do this. At least I keep telling myself that.
I’m going to miss him so very much.
My little baby boy is 3 months old! October was the last month I got to spend every minute with my boy before going back to work. I am so not looking forward to it. I sure have enjoyed watching Colton grow up from a tiny newborn to a fun interactive baby!
Likes have changed a little bit from last month: Having his diaper changed, being naked, attention and having a conversation, being outside, baths, light up toys, cameras/phones (he SO used to them being in his face all day long that whenever you whip it out he stops whatever cute thing he was doing and stares at it), TV, mama’s boobs, pacis, sitting up like a big boy, smiling, and sucking on his hands.
Dislikes are still pretty much the same: Being hungry for more than .5 seconds, being held not facing out, when nobody pays attention to him, his carseat, loud scary noises, taking his medicine, and being woken up.
Sleeping: My amazing little babe now sleeps 8 hours a night. He has the exact same routine every night that he kind of made himself (meaning we didn’t do anything differently than what we always have). He goes to bed for the night around 9:30 -10:00pm, and then he sleeps until 5:30 -6:00, and then nurses and goes back to sleep for another 2 hours. He is an amazing sleeper. He is still sleeping next to us in the Rock ‘n Play but that is for my own sanity. Sometimes he will start grunting around 3am and I’ll pop the paci back in his mouth and he’ll sleep another few hours. Also sometimes I’ll wake up from a solid 6 hours of sleep and reach over and feel his face to make sure he’s still breathing. There have been many nights where I wake up before him and freak out once I look at the clock and realize how long it had been since I heard him make noise until I turn on the light and watch his chest rise up and down (phew, run-on sentence much?). He’s still being swaddled although I hear that we need to stop doing that once he is 4 months old. I am terrified of the day we have to stop swaddling because this little guy cannot seem to keep his hands away from his face at all times of day which means during naps he wakes himself up. He sleeps the best and the longest when there is some white noise, whether it be the fan or his sleep sheep. This month there hasn’t been anymore random in-the-middle-of-the-night play sessions where he won’t go back to sleep *knock on wood* so we have all been a little bit more sane around here with this great sleep. Morning is still my favorite time where he is smiley and talkative and just so so happy. He still takes a couple long naps during the day about 1-2 hours and then a bunch of short cat naps. We try to follow the adage “eat, play, sleep” (I got that from the book Baby Wise) and it seems to be working. We are very lucky!
Eating: My boy still nurses every 2 hours like clock work. I thought he would space his feedings out more once he got older, but I learned after going to the lactation class at the local hospital that he is only taking on average about 2 ounces every feeding so he needs to eat more often. This is due to his reflux, which gets bad if he eats too much so he likes to eat smaller meals more often and it helps keep the acid reflux from coming up into his throat. I still haven’t added cereal to his bottles (this was recommended by his GI doc to help his reflux) because he seems to be doing really well just on breastmilk. I know it is enough to sustain him as far as nutrients so I am hoping to keep him exclusively breastfed until he starts on solids. Then we will go the Baby Led Weaning approach. I do notice that his feedings take a shorter amount of time than they used to which is great news. I have now nursed in public everywhere: the car a million times, on the balcony of the beach condo, on the beach itself, the state fair, restaurants, Target’s dressing room, etc. I still love breastfeeding more than I ever thought I would.
Personality: Let’s just say that his nickname isn’t Hammy the Hambone for no reason. He makes us laugh so many times a day. He is a huge flirt and loves attention. If he’s fussing you can stop him just by talking to him. He now loves lying on his back and talking to you. David said he is going to be chatty Cathy like his mom. He usually does little squeals that sound like ohhh! or Ahh!! but when he fusses he starts by saying “amama” or “bababa”. This to me means that he’s going to say momma first since he can already say his “m’s.” He loves playing patty cake and when you play with his feet. He smiles so much and I have actually gotten him to laugh here and there too. Usually his smile is a little closed lipped one but sometimes he will give you a huge open mouthed gummy grin. He loves looking around and taking in his surroundings. He is pretty much always happy unless he’s hungry or just tired and fighting it. Sometimes he does have a melt down in his car seat because he doesn’t want to be confined in a space and not have any attention. He loves watching TV. As in, I’ll be in the kitchen with him on my hip and wonder why his head is turned ALL the way around, then follow his eye sight line and find him watching TV. His favorite is football; must be all the moving objects and contrasting colors. Also he’s a huge flirt and loves staring at people. He looks at you right into your eyes and just stares at you. My friend and mom say it feels like he is staring into your soul. He can lock eyes with you from across the room. He also NEVER blinks. Is this normal??
All around I am just so lucky to have a baby like him. I’m actually scared to have another because he is so easy.
Milestones this month: His hands are always in his mouth. He can pretty much self soothe anytime he starts to fuss. He is a big drooler now and chews on everything that is put near his mouth whether it be the blanket, his jumparoo (he is still too little for it so he just kind of leans forward and chews on the seat top), your finger, etc. He even has started bringing whatever he grabs to his mouth. Every article of clothing is covered in drool and his chin and hands are always wet. It is pretty much only his right hand though. A sign of teething, perhaps? His Amber teething necklace is in the mail, can’t wait to try it out! He also now reaches out and touches things in front of him like his toy bar on his carseat, your face, toys, etc. It is only a matter of time before he finds his feet! He can now ride in his big boy stroller instead of just the carseat attached to the top of it. This month he rolled over for the first time. It took some coaching at first where I would be over on his left side talking to him so he would turn to get to me. His arm would get stuck for a couple days and now he’s a pro. He just folds his feet up and rolls. The second time he ever did I put him on his back on the blanket, went and washed my hands, and when I returned he was on his belly. He can also sit up when you sit him reclined and leaned back. He lifts his neck and chest up until he’s sitting like a big boy. That only lasts for a few minutes until he falls forward, folding himself in half. It’s pretty amazing to watch him develop.
Starting to roll over
This month Colton also got Christened. It was a wonderful day. His grandparents and uncle flew in for the wonderful day. The ceremony was so special, it was done by a Deacon and he made it so personal and informal. He wore the dress I wore when I was baptized. Colton did great until the water was poured on his head and it went into his eyes. He made everyone laugh with his screaming cry. There was one point the Deacon was talking about Colton and paused to go to the next sentence and when it was completely silent Colton laughed. It was super cute. His godparents are my best friend Lauren “Aunt Laur” and my brother-in-law “Uncle Jason.” Afterwards we had a party at our house and I just loved looking around seeing all the love in our room. There is nothing I love more than my house filled with kids and all the people that love my son. It warms my heart knowing how many people care about my sweet little guy.
Also this month Colton went to the beach two more times! He went to his first Apple Festival, Oktoberfest, swam in the pool for the first time (he LOVED it), met his cousins and uncle for the first time, went to his first pumpkin patch and first Halloween party.
OktoberfestSwimming in the pool with Daddy
In my first bathing suit
Meeting his cousins
I adore this photo. These kiddos (including the two oldest ones not pictured) were my first babies. Now they are adoring my baby.
1 month size:
Weight: 8 pounds 3 ounces – 13th percentile
Height: 21.5” – 46th percentile
Head Circumference: 14.75” – 33rd percentile
2 month size:
Weight: 10 pounds 5 ounces – 15th percentile
Height: 23.5” – 66th percentile
Head Circumference: 15.75” – 46th percentile
3 month size:
Weight: 11 pounds 9 ounces
Nicknames: Hammy the Hambone, Pumpkin Noodle, Stink Pot, Fuss Bucket, Colie Bear, Bear Bear.
Staring out at the beach on our balcony!
I love this photo of C and my mom
Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Jason
Cooking with Mommy
Oh that double chin!
His first “Haunted” House
I am so so lucky to have you as my baby. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy. I love every minute I spend with you and thank God for you every chance I get.
I can’t believe you are no longer a newborn and are now an infant. Could you please slow down?
You are the light of my life.
Love you so much it hurts,
Alright I KNOW I said this about the month of August but seriously, September’s gone already? It’s Fall? I feel like just yesterday I was complaining about how hot it was outside. And now the leaves are about to change! My little boy is growing so fast… and my maternity leave is going by way too quickly. This is not ok!
Likes are pretty much the same as last month: Mama’s boobs, pacifiers, lights, contrasting colors, ceiling fans, picture frames on the wall, being in the baby carrier, being outside, baths, except this month he also likes getting his diaper changed, being held facing out, having a conversation with you, constant movement, his swing, loud constant noise (whether it be TV or crowd noise), and being naked.
Dislikes: Being hungry for more than .5 seconds, anyone holding his hands to clip or clean them, being swaddled, sleeping on his back, being held like a baby (where he can’t see anything), and when nobody pays attention to him.
Sleeping: Aside from a few days, he is pretty consistent. He sleeps for 5 hours straight (no matter what time we put him down, so could be 10-3 or 12 -5) then another 2 hour stretch, then another 1-2 hour stretch. He loves sleeping on his side which makes me nervous but he just seems so much more comfortable. He also loves sleeping on his belly but we only let him do that during the day when we are awake and in close proximity. He still will never sleep flat on his back because his reflux is so bad. He hates being constricted to the swaddle but it does calm him down immediately. It’s just after he has been in it for more than 8 hours at night he grunts like a pig and kicks his legs until you unswaddle him (in which he immediately puts his arms in the air and stretches). He also loves the sound machine and doesn’t sleep well when there isn’t noise (seems like every little noise wakes him up when it’s quiet, but when it’s loud he’s passed out). There have been a handful of nights this month where he will not go back to sleep after his first wake up and he’ll either cry and fuss for a couple hours and can’t seem to get settled, or he wants to play. Most of the time it’s been the second one, where he will smile and talk and coo and make my heart hurt for wishing him back to sleep. Usually it’s the night before I have something important planned like going into work for a few hours, and it has always been on a work night when I don’t have any help. I am blessed that I’m not back to work full time yet so I am able to nap, and I’m really hoping he gets better once I go back to work in a month. Let’s just say that on those next days I can totally see how sleep deprivation can be used as a torture device. Naps: He’ll take about 2 -3 long naps during the day in his swing or car seat/baby carrier if we’re out and about. All in all we are very lucky.
Eating: C is still nursing well, he latches immediately and goes to town. His feeding times have significantly shortened. He nurses about 15 minutes every 2-3 hours during the day (sometimes with a long nap or if we are out and about he can go 4), and then can go 5 hours at night. Usually after a long nap he nurses for a longer time, like a half hour, but I never pull him off. You don’t want to see the waterworks if I do! He can slurp down 4 ounces in a feeding and I’ve had to now let him nurse both sides for him to get full. So I’d say that I still love breastfeeding him, however… within the last week he started doing this thing where he likes to have Wrestlemania 2012 when I nurse him… he pulls away, arches his back, turns red in the face, and is just plain miserable. He’s still hungry as ever though and it usually starts after he’s only had a few pulls of milk. It’s just horrible. I have proclaimed many times that I was going to quit breastfeeding because it is just that exhausting. It’s due to his stupid reflux (the devil) and we’ve tried everything (feeding him more upright, giving him a bottle, etc), and it still doesn’t help. The doctor said that with the new medicine he’s on that it needs to be in their system for 4 weeks to really start working, and it’s only been 2. So we are holding out. I WILL hit my goal of nursing my entire maternity leave if it kills me. I am really hoping to nurse him up to 6 months, but if this continues I can’t make any promises.
Personality: He really is such a good baby. He only fusses when he’s over tired, his acid reflux is hurting him, or he’s hungry. He absolutely cannot stand to be hungry for more than 2 seconds. If he doesn’t have his mouth on a boob or a bottle immediately when those hunger pains hit him he will be a-screamin’ at the top of his lungs. He lets you know what he wants! He’s also very mobile, this month we have been to the beach, Atlantic City, Church, out to multiple dinners, and lots of long car rides without any trouble at all. He’s slept in many different places too and it never seems to phase him. He’s pretty go-with-the-flow and as long as he gets attention, clean diapers, sleep and food, he doesn’t seem to care about much else. Everyone holds him without a problem, and most of the time he is just passed around wherever we go from friend to friend or grandma to cousin and he is just happy as a clam. I really do have an angel baby.
At the state fair
At the beach
At the Borgata
This month he has learned how to actually fuss. He used to go from happy to SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF with no transition. Most babies would start to whine a little, then to turn to cries, then to screams. He immediately would go right for the high pitched squeal. The neighbors probably think I beat him!
He loves his pacifier. Like super duper wants-to-marry-it. He doesn’t have it in all the time, but it is definitely an immediate soother for fussy times. He sucks it in his sleep all night long, and if he loses it he wakes up immediately. For this reason alone I think he’ll be in our room for a little while longer, for my own sanity of not running back and forth to his nursery in the middle of the night a million times just to pop the paci back in his mouth. Sometimes he even sounds like Maggie from the Simpsons because he sucks it so hard you can hear the sucking squeaks from across the room. It cracks me up; I should try to get it on video.
His hands are always by his face. They were like that in every ultrasound I had and it continues on the outside. When he gets unswaddled, his arms go immediately above his head. It’s like they are on a string and the only thing keeping them down was the swaddle. And then he does this obnoxious 2 minute stretch where his face squishes all up. It’s hilarious!
Recently he loves to look at himself in the mirror.
And he loves laying where his face is in the nook of your armpit. Where his nose is smooshed and he can’t breathe. It’s nuts and scary but he loves it. Makes me crazy!
A recent development in the last few days have been that he puts his hands in his mouth. Before if his hands were near his mouth he would suck them. but now I think it is a little bit more deliberate. It’s usually the part of his fist where his thumb is, which means that he might become a thumb sucker! And when he doesn’t have them by his face they are always moving. When I’m nursing, his wrists just turn and turn and his little fingers are gripping and pinching and just moving constantly. He plays with his ear a lot too!
My favorite development this month has been his deliberate smiling! And he LAUGHS! My heart melted into a huge puddle the first time his smile turned into a laugh. He used to smile after he would pass gas, or in his sleep, but now they are actual deliberate smiles! He smiles so big when you make funny noises at him that his mouth even opens. It’s too damn cute for words. We all sound like huge idiots making ridiculous noises at him, but for the smiles he gives it is so worth it!
Looks: Of course he still looks like my husband. But… as his face gets fatter and rounder and his cheeks get bigger he is starting (a teeny tiny bit) to look like me. His ears are still protruding from his head a little more everyday, but they are still adorable little ears. His eyes are grey-blue, and HUGE. He is so alert and nosy, most everyone comments on his alertness or his big eyes. We are thinking that they might stay blue (cross your fingers)!
The bald spot is loud and proud. His hair falls out daily in little strands and I find them on his clothes sometimes. He has such an obvious patch of brown hair at the tip of his head, with a bald ring around it and a little mullet/rat tail at the nape of his neck. It’s absolutely hilarious. The patch of hair is really long too that it almost looks like he’s wearing a toupee!
Old hair, from 1 month ago
His hair today.
He has an outie that twirls around like a cinnamon bun. Along with his fat belly, it is my favorite thing on him! I wish I could show in pictures the extent of how big his belly is in relationship to the rest of him because it is funny as hell. He has this skinny little chest and tiny little waist, and in between is this big ol’ belly that distends out on both the right and left side like a balloon.
He’s getting some chunk on him, his little thighs FINALLY fit into size 1 diapers. Until about a week ago he was still in newborn everything; he just couldn’t fill out the 0-3 clothes! Now that is thighs and arms are getting some rolls on them, it’s like we have a whole new wardrobe! Sadly there are a bunch of summer 0-3 clothes we either bought or had given to us that it’s just too cold for now. I really did not think it would take 8 weeks for my baby boy to fit into size 1 diapers, but that’s ok, my little peanut can stay little as long as he wants! I do love the fact that he is chunking up though, because I LOVE me some chunky babies.
He still loves mornings, and will talk and play for an hour without needing a change of position. Sometimes he likes to do this a little too early in the morning, but nonetheless it is still my favorite time of day. He is just SO happy!
Also, if you think for one second that you are going to hold him and be able to sit still, you are severely mistaken! He needs constant movement. You need to perfect the bounce and sway if you’re going to hold him. Or the trifecta: the bounce-sway-back pat. And when he’s not sleeping or falling asleep, he is kicking and punching his arms. He never stops moving when he’s awake (no wonder he’s still a little peanut)! I already had an inkling that he would be a rambunctious boy, but I really do see the future with him and he’s going to be just like his father. CAN.NOT.SIT.STILL. Boy am I in trouble!
1 month size:
Weight: 8 pounds 3 ounces – 13th percentile
Height: 21.5” – 46th percentile
Head Circumference: 14.75” – 33rd percentile
2 month size:
Weight: 10 pounds 5 ounces – 15th percentile
Height: 23.5” – 66th percentile
Head Circumference: 15.75” – 46th percentile
Nicknames: Roto, Peanut, Pumpkin head, Pumpkin Noodle, Stink, Little Stink, Stink Pot, Fuss Pot, Fuss Bucket, Colie, Bear Bear, Tolden, snuggle butt, cuddles, etc.
You are the light of my life. I thank God everyday that I have you. I have no idea how I got so lucky to have you as my baby!
Also, please make time stand still.
Love you so much I can’t stand it,
Yesterday was one of those days.
You know those days where you don’t even get a chance to brush your teeth? Or get out of your pajamas? Or go to the bathroom?
Yeah. It was one of those.
It started with my little fusspot not sleeping. At ALL.
He was up every hour, for an hour every time.
I literally got 2 hours of (interrupted) sleep.
I was exhausted.
He cried all night long. Fought sleep tooth and nail. Wouldn’t let me put him in his co sleeper or Rock ‘n Play.
Wouldn’t even sleep on my chest (my lifesaver position when he isn’t interested in anything else).
He was so tired he just cried and cried and couldn’t calm down.
We eventually gave up around 6am and just got up for the day.
The entire day was spent in the family room… with him in my arms. He literally would not let me put him down. He had to stay nuzzled in my armpit (he loves having his face smooshed into things… every mother’s nightmare) the entire time.
He nursed every hour.
David got home from work and I was in the same place that I was when he left 10.5 hours earlier.
My sweet boy was miserable. I felt terrible for him.
My only reprieve the entire time was when I got 10 minutes of him playing on his play mat. He now loves looking at himself in the mirror. Can you blame him though? I love looking at him too.
That night I fell asleep at 7pm. My husband took him for me until midnight when I fed him and we both slept until 6am.
We both woke up the next day feeling like new humans. He was a totally different baby – back to his normal happy-go-lucky self.
I kept thinking about how awful a day it was. Then I remembered: it won’t be like this for long.
A time will come where he won’t want to snuggle anymore. Where he won’t need his mama. Where he won’t want me to hold him 24/7 because he’ll be too busy.
The time will come (all too soon) when I will have to go back to work. I won’t have the option of holding him all day long. I will instead be at my desk at work worrying from afar.
I decided I was going to enjoy every second. They are only little once.
He’s lucky he’s so damn cute!